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Sunday, July 13, 2014

The one where I threatened to call the cops in an attempt to give someone a trampoline

On this Sunday night in July I am relaxing to prepare for a week of 9-5 drudgery. But this morning sure didn't start off relaxing. You see this weekend we had a garage sale. In a 17 year relationship, one that counts 15 of those years as married, it is very easy to accumulate a lot of stuff. Now, I'm as guilty as anyone is in chasing "the shiny." I collect books, comics, movies, toys, board and video games. Some of these things are shared amongst the family but I am a geek hoarder.

When preparing to move to the Nashville area I got rid of a lot of my stuff; nearly all of my Star Wars books and toys, a lot of video game consoles and games, and a bunch of Spider-Man and X-Men toys. Well, we are planning another move within the next year and decided to liquidate more stuff via garage sale. Letting go is getting easier and easier to do. And a nice benefit is a little extra cash and less crap to move.

So we get up at 5 A.M. on a Saturday morning and begin the setup phase. Putting out shelves with books, toys, clothes and even a Christmas train set (man that thing was AWESOME). By 10 we had been at it a while and the sun was already beating down punishingly and we were tired. My wife ran an idea by us, how about letting everything left go for free. We said, yeah, that sounds great, we've done well and let's blow the rest of this out.

So to Facebook she went and she made a post. The next couple people to show up didn't know we had gone to a "take our shit and go" model and when free was mentioned they got a little weird and left. The 3 of us looked at each other a little confused. But the confusion didn't last long as we were swarmed like we were a doughnut at a Weight Watchers meeting. Holy crap, these people came out of nowhere.

These garage sale vultures came with the glory in their eyes and an expectation of secret treasures to be snatched up. Yeah, some things that should have gone for a decent price were grabbed for the low cost of nothing, but on the bright side, as previously stated, I no longer have to move this stuff anymore.

This brings me back around to the title: The Trampoline. We had a tote with the trampoline bed and springs in it. The frame was still out back in the yard shed. I didn't feel like hauling that mess of poles until we had an interested person. Well, I went in to use the bathroom at one point, it was hot and I had had a lot of Monster, and when I came back out my wife told me the trampoline had been taken and that the lady would be back for the frame.

This is great! A trampoline is right up there with a ping pong table as being obnoxious to move. About noon we close up the sale, break everything down and start to get cleaned up to run some errands. Then the lady texts and says that she's leaving home and can she come by and get the frame. We say sure and then she texts that it would be about an hour. We all look at each other and think and say that this sucks, that we're kinda held a little hostage by this. We ask if the lady can come back the next day, Sunday 7/13 and she says fine, she'll let us know. 

Awesome! We go out and run our errands. We come home and fall asleep. We wake up the next morning and we get a text at 9 A.M. asking if they can come by at 10 A.M. Normally a text that early would not be received well, but we were wanting this thing gone and we say that it totally fine. Now I have an hour to kill. I get dressed and start to make pancakes. At 9:30 we have a knock on the door and it's the trampoline people. My wife says that they're early and that I was cooking some breakfast and if they could give us a few moments we'd be right with them. By the way, how does one get from a house an hour away in 30 minutes? Do they have a DeLorean that can work wonder at 88 MPH? Were they traveling by TARDIS? Anyway, I hand over breakfast duties to my wife and get my shoes on to outside and find they are gone.

GONE?!?!?! What the hell is that about. My gets a text saying forget it and they have never been treated so rudely before. Now at this point I bruised my jaw because it hit the floor. Rude. Rude? Asking someone to hang a few moments was rude? What about showing up 30 FUCKING MINUTES EARLY THAN JUST AGREED UPON? Isn't that rude?

I tell my wife to just text her and say I am getting the frame pieces together and to come back and get them. (They couldn't be more than 5 minutes away by now, but of course they way the travel they could have been halfway to Texarcana.) They say no. I keep dragging the frame up from the shed, about 4 trips, and my wife comes out and says I should stop because they aren't coming back and that the next time they are in Spring Hill (the town I currently live in) they will bring the other parts back. I say bullshit, this trampoline is becoming a complete set again today, one way or another. Either they come and take the remaining pieces or bring back the springs and trampoline bed or I am calling the police. Yes, we gave it to them, but the second they said they weren't taking the frame and would bring the rest back at their convenience I was going to charge them with theft. (Listen, I really don't know if I would have had a leg to stand on, but I was hot, sweaty and pissed off. And I was DONE. Done with this nonsense.)

I finished bringing up the pieces and went back inside to cool off and looked up at the clock and it was 10. Huh? 10, the originally agreed upon time. 10, the time this whole mess could have been over with. As I sit down to cool off I ask for my wife's phone and text her the spiel about the set needing to become a complete today and no later or I would call the police. I mean Hell, we had her name and cell number, it's not like we had nothing to go with. (No, I will not share it here. Telling the story is vindication enough.)

Well, mentioning the LAW finally got her to return the calls and messages she been so awesomely ignoring since they drove off in huff in the face of our epic rudeness. (Yeah, it was hard to type that with a straight face.) She says there is nothing the police can do while I didn't have the phone I could hear her and I yelled across the room, "Try me. I'll call and we'll get this ball rolling." (or something similar) My wife then asks what was so rude, what the hell had happened? She said, now this is getting really hard to type, that my wife was ugly to her and didn't greet her. Greet her. Greet her? My wife said, "Oh, you're early and my husband (that's me) is cooking breakfast and could you give us a couple seconds" and then they bailed.

My wife shot back immediately, "Greet you? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO FUCKING CURTSEY?!" 

At this I lost my shit. There was shit lost and it used to be mine. I looked at my daughter and did the deepest curtsey to her I could. We just laughed at each other. My wife then said just come back and get the frame, it's all outside and they wouldn't have to deal with us or talk to us anymore. 

About 45 minutes later we heard the clanging of the frame being collected and taken away. The three of u all looked at each other and just started laughing because we didn't know what else to do. Who knew it would be this hard to give something away for free? 


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Volume I don't care

Hi all. Today I wanted to attempt to get a thought across. One of two things will happen.

1. I will succeed but nobody will notice as nobody reads this
2. I will fail but nobody will  notice as nobody reads this

So, here I go with this premise that has been banging around in my head for a bit:

I DON'T CARE

Let me be more specific. I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi, asexual, poly, or mono.
I don't care if you're a nerd, geek, spaz, dork, jock, preppie or neo maxi zoom dweebie.
I don't care if you're a brain, athlete, basket case, princess, or criminal.

Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I don't care about you. What I don't care about is what ever it is that someone may use as fuel against you. The thing I do care about is that you are being worked against in any capacity. What I mean is, if you are being treated as less than a human then that is what I care about. If you are my friend and being screwed over or discriminated against for any reason that doesn't involve someone else being harmed then I am on your side. Whether you need a physical presence or a shoulder to cry on or even just an ear to vent to.

Ultimately the details don't matter. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff and the small stuff is what people use to keep you down. The big picture stuff, yeah, that's what matters. The common core bond that we all share as the stewards of this planet. The responsibility we ultimately have to look out for one another and the place(s) we call home.

I care that you are a person that is no better, yet no worse than me. I care that you deserve the basic kindnesses are respect that all living things are entitled to. The ONLY caveat being, as long as you aren't hurting others in the process. That's that shit I DON'T like.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

XXVI Kinda pissed off

So, it's February of 2014. We don't have flying cars. We don't have (and probably never will have) Back to the Future hover boards. Fuck, we don't even have the right to love who we want to. That's right: the fat kid is ranting about equality today!

I live in arguably the best and worst nation on the planet. Sure, women can vote and drive here and interracial relationships happen despite the bigotry of the south. But people get their colons clogged over the thought of a same sex marriage.

Jesus FUCK!

The problem lies with this bullshit myth that we live in a country founded on Christian principles. This country was founded on acts of treason, terrorism, and rebellion. The only Christian acts that founded this country were sticking up for people that were being oppressed. Just because I believe that treasonous and terrorist acts jump-started this nation, it doesn't mean that I am sad it came to that. But all this talk again and again about being a Christian nation needs to stop.

The most spiritual person I've ever known told me the Old Testament was a history lesson and the New Testament was a How To Live guidebook. Guess what; Jesus never would have persecuted or shunned or harassed anyone that loved another, no matter the form of that love. And before ANY ONE tries to lay down the Conservative doctrine of "This is counter to God!" or "This is jeopardizing the sanctity of traditional marriage!" I just want to say "Go find some acid and gargle it."

The ONLY thing conservatives want to conserve is old, rich, white, dudes in power. That's it. Nothing else. The fact that there are black, gay, or female conservatives is beyond confusing to me. The rich white dudes don't care about you. They don't even care about the God they keep belly aching about. All they care about is money and prestige and power.

Side note, I am STILL looking for freedom from religion, and what ever happened to the separation of Church and State? Tell you what, as soon as the Church gives up their tax free status and begins to contribute, then they can voice an opinion on matters of the State. But I digress.

So, rich white dudes and their sycophants scream and moan about the dangers of same sex relationships to our great nation and blah blah blah-bitty fucking blah. Shut up.

Hell, the Declaration of Independence has a line about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. ANY person that grew up in the 80's knows this thanks to School House Rock. Well, what better pursuit of happiness is there than finding someone that makes your stomach churn with butterflies when they're near and churn with anxiety when they're gone. There isn't. So why should anyone have the right to tell you who you love (provided they're of legal age) is an unfit partner or your love is wrong? First off, let's stop letting the morally corrupt politicians have any say in what's right or wrong. Bribes, scandals, murders, bridge closings - I mean seriously, who gives a rat's ass what these bought and paid for mother fuckers has to say about anything?

I've heard the argument about a child should have both parents and all that noise but you know what a child needs? Love. Huh? I'll be damned if the Beatles weren't right. Love is all you need. I would rather see a child grow up in a loving house with same sex parents than a home with fighting hetero parents. That is what gives us healthy children for the future.

In other news, an NFL prospect just outed himself. There has been a lot of press regarding this. I am of two minds of this.
A)Why does this matter?
B)It matters because now he has a certain peace of mind that he doesn't have to live in denial or hide how he truly feels. But Josh, why does this matter? It matters because for every Michael Sam there dozens if not hundreds of young people who dare not come out for fear of retribution. Young people are thrown out of their homes too often (once is one hundred times too often) simply for nothing less than admitting to themselves and others where their heart leads them. It matters because this gives them hope in the belief that they are not abominations. It matters because it shows them that there is nothing wrong with being who they are. Now, I'll admit that I have no true frame of reference for these concerns. But when I heard this happens in the world I live in I was dumbfounded.

When I see the stories like the one where the parents overheard their son preparing to come out and they just wrote him a letter telling him they've known for a while and didn't care as long as he was happy I get choked up. This is what should separate us from the "lesser" animals (you know, the ones that don't fuck each other over for personal gain). Love for Love's sake. That is why this matters. It matters and will continue to matter until it doesn't need to anymore.

If you have stayed with me this long, thanks. I appreciate the time you've given my nonsense. I really just want to help. Well, and to piss off the Westboro Baptist Church.


Thursday, August 1, 2013

The Twenty Five cent post.

Dusting this off after not being live for over a year. I have moved to Nashville, TN - The land where blinkers are optional. Seriously, the driving skills down here are the absolute worst. It's quite sad really. Overall, I am trying to keep my head down and keep doing my thing.

I will strive to post more routinely in the future. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Chapter 20 Verse 4: The one with a suggestion

Hi. Happy Ash Wednesday. Is that a thing? Is that an acceptable greeting? Is it acceptable for a non-Catholic?

Whatever. I have decided to greet you with it anyway. I am sorry (again) for the delay between posts. I was laid off last week. Tuesday February 14, 2012. Someone asked me if I felt the love with my being laid off on Valentine's Day and I said "Yeah, I felt it prison style." Vulgar, but funny. It has been hard to want to sit and just write at this time, but I am doing it now to put off running on my treadmill. Ahh, priorities.

An upside is my wife gets hot and fresh meals when she gets home from work. A downside is the longer this goes on I doubt my self-worth. This could be dangerous since my regular self-esteem level often leaves a shit-ton to be desired.

As I go forward I check websites for jobs and have been in contact with recruiters and am trying to find a new employment opportunity. Wish me luck. (Seriously, I could use all the help I could get.)

Now, about Ash Wednesday and the start of the Lenten season. So, the idea is you give something up that you like to symbolize your getting close to Jesus' time of 40 days and nights in the desert. At least that is how I understand it. So, instead of giving up something, why not take something up? Why not act like a decent human being to strangers both in public and online? Why only do it for 40 days and nights? Why not embrace an attitude of togetherness, seeing as how we have to share this planet together?

There are a bunch of people that seem to get off on stirring shit up and just causing general dissension. How about knocking that off? Why do people insist on beating down the noob? (Newbie for any of you that may not speak gamese.) Guess what. EVERYONE IS NEW AT SOMETHING SOMEWHERE AND SOMETIME!

Instead of berating someone for being new, encourage them and help them and hope they get better than you and are able to teach you something so you can get better too. Why is this such a problem for people? Stop making others, for whatever reason, feel like they are worthless. Remember Rule #3: Don't be a dick. It actually is harder to be an asshole to somebody because the first instinct is generally to be nice to others. Follow that instinct. Embrace it. Don't shy from it.

The baby-boomers have screwed up this country in so many ways. They are too stubborn to get the hell out of the way and too out of touch to keep up. No, I am not going to say to you that before the baby-boomers no person was ever screwed over by another, but the baby-boomers perfected it. And they did it all in the name of business and corporations. Again, I am not going to tell you that making money and being successful is wrong, but if you are screwing people over to make that money then you are an asshole. Shipping job across borders to save money to improve your bottom line for shareholders looks good on paper. But those jobs you are cutting could belong to your neighbors. Guess what. If your neighbor can't find work then money will not be spent in your community. If money is not being spent in your community businesses and schools close and your property value drops and your community suffers. Was it worth it for a few extra bucks?

No matter what religious doctrine you subscribe to or don't, there is no deity/cosmic entity that will look at your bank account and praise you. I am not saying you should give everything away. Have fun, be responsible and pay your debts - don't leave your family in the lurch, but DON'T cause, again - cause someone else to have a lower quality of life because of it. That is just an action that goes against basic human kindness.

I posted previously about running for President. Not sure if anyone saw this. The upsides to me in office are I have no political ties so I have no cronies to answer or pander to and so many of these so called issues, are simply not issues. Laws should be made for the good of the people, not to the advantage of the privileged few. Plain and simple. Gay marriage is not an issue. As someone once said, just call it marriage. What right does anyone have to deny someone else's happiness. Women's health is not an issue. If you are a male not directly involved in the decision due to being the other partner in the DNA soup that may or not be percolating, you have NO SAY!!! It is not up to you. Pure and simple. We are in the 21st GODDAMN CENTURY BUT SO MANY OF OUR DOCTRINES MAKE US LOOK LIKE WE ARE IN THE DARK AGES!!

That's it. I'm tired and am going to bed. My wife is leaving on a work trip to Florida tomorrow and I will be in charge of the house. Scary shit, right? Party Friday night, you are all invited. Two rules, I don't drink and I won't supply liquor unless you are helping me move or assemble big heavy stuff so it's BYOB and no smoking in the house. LET'S DO THIS.

Later all. Embrace a positive mindset. Help someone. For goodness sake, Be Excellent to Each Other.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Number 23: The one that should result in a spin off blog

I am a gamer. I have been since I bought (that's right, I bought it) my first NES. I asked for nothing but cash one birthday so I could get one. Clothes? FUNK DAT! Books? I can get to the library in my school on my own, thank you very much? Self esteem? This has yet to be made purchasable, no matter what ads try to tell us.

It was very liberating to be in control of something that was having grand adventures. Games have come a long way since I moved that little plumber around the fungal fiefdom or shot at those damn water fowl and was mocked by my trusty dog.

Since then I have played many games. Beaten a few, but experienced many, many games. Other than a few low-end games on the PC, I have been a die-hard console gamer. I like being able to buy a game for a specific generation's console and knowing, with the exception of Donkey Kong 64 needing the Jump Pack for the N64 (but it came with it), that it would work. No RAM upgrades or new video cards needed, just happy action playtime, wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Fast forward nearly twenty years. It is 2006 and I am working with a couple of guys that are playing World of Warcraft. I just didn't get it. The screenshots are not that impressive. YouTube videos are ugly. You have to buy it and then pay $15 a month to keep playing? What the hell is that about? Huh? Two week trial? Okay, why not? Wait? Will it work? My tower is an early XP tower, I am not sure it has the "guts" to handle it. Wha? Blizzard works hard to ensure it doesn't outpace computers. Okay, install started.

HOLY SHIT! THIS IS FUN!! And now I am hooked. Great. I missed out on plenty of Triple-A titles due to this. But, $15 a month is cheaper than a $60 game every three months. Hey look, I got invited into the guild my co-workers are in. Wow, they are racing to 70 as I grind through the 40s. I caught up and they helped me get attuned for Karazhan. I even got to go while it was relevant, once. You see, Real Life is a big factor in my life. And while WoW has sunk its brightly colored, slightly cartoony hooks in me, my obligations as a husband and father come first. Always. I wouldn't get into a dungeon unless my family said nothing was going on for a bit. So I began to play the largest MMO by myself.

Now, a few things happened here. Achievements were added to the game so I began obsessing about some of them. Then the Dungeon Finder tool was implemented and I didn't need the sons of bitches that got me hooked on this damn game to play with me anymore. So all of a sudden I was able to get all of the achievements for regular and heroic Wrath dungeons. Whoops, I even got some achievements in the process (Still need Less-Rabi among others).

Another thing that happened was my friends got into raiding guilds and I wouldn't even be considered because I had a nil raiding schedule. So we started 2 guilds on our server, one for each faction. Then one day I logged in and all of my toons had been kicked from the Alliance guild, due to someone being a little drunk and thinking it was funny. In response to this I started my own guild. After spamming chat for awhile I got the signatures I needed and Beans N Mice was born, digitally. As I write this, the guild has 24 toons in it - 20 are an ex-coworkers and mine. Yet, we have earned some achievements. We have about 8 or 9 reputations to get to get the mount, we are very close to Working as a Team, needing only Blacksmithing to be maxed, and due to my grinding PvP rep we need two specific kills for Horde Slayer.

I was making headway and getting things done when Blizzard dropped a pretty huge bomb. Raid Finder. For those that have read this far and are not WoW players let me explain briefly. Blizzard put in a feature that will allow random players to group together in 25 player teams and do an easier version of the current raid content (raids being fights needing 10 or 25 different people.) I have now seen the current Raid content and even have some current Raid level gear. Sure, it is slightly colored differently, but who cares? I have current Raid gear. Woot!

Then Blizzard hit the community with something else: Cross Realm RealID Raiding. This lets players use their RealID, the email their account is linked to, and form Raid groups regardless of what server they play on. The only caveat is they have to be the same faction. Then two web-based communities sprang up. Vitae (Twitter = @vitaemachina) started sleepyhams.org, a free to use Mumble server for these cross-realm raiders to use to talk to each other while gaming or hanging out. Saz (Twitter = @SerenitySaz) launched Twitterland to use for coordinating these raids.

What this means to me I can finally start playing a MMO with others. But I will still be playing solo too. I have those achievements to get.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Episode XXII: The one with another excuse

Hello all. It is currently two days from Mega Awesome Commercial Day! Like this day every year, there will be a game of some kind used to spread the commercials out to prevent commercial overload.

One thought about this: Why all the hype about these commercials being available on the internet? Teases are one thing, but showing a full blown commercial kind of defeats the purpose. I will wait until the commercials are airing on national TV and will watch them then and look them up later if I feel the need to watch them again later.

Sorry I have not been the most punctual poster, but hey, it doesn't look like I am getting many hits anyway.

For those that don't know, my father-in-law lives with my wife, our daughter, and me. If any of you ever consider taking in a family member to care for them, good luck. This will test and quite possibly break the bonds of love. There have been more biological accidents with this man than my daughter ever had while in diapers. Now this, while gross, is not the worst of it. He seems to think he can get these episodes by us. He will attempt to clean up his messes so we don't have to, but all this does is spread his filth around. Even in his younger, healthier times, he was a slob. He was/is simply incapable of performing the most rudimentary of cleaning duties. If he is not trying to help with these messes, he tries to hide them. This has yet to work for long. We always find them. So, I live with the Oscar Madison of horribly unsneaky ninjas.

Our last episode was a "try to hide it" episode. Let me state, I have never gotten mad at the man for having an accident. Shit, I am 36 and sometimes have negative biological adventures. We all do. I will not hold that against him. Do I look forward to it? Hell no! But I will not hold it against him. Sneaky ninja time? Yeah, that pisses me right off. So, we uncovered a failed ninja attempt and I lost my shit. If you have ever watched pro wrestling in the last two decades, you will have seen at some point Ric Flair. When this man gets hold of a microphone I am always waiting for his head to explode. That was me. I was frothing and spitting and felt my face getting red. I am surprised I didn't black out. I freaking unleashed!

Then, I felt better. I have not really gotten upset since this confrontation. Losing my rage has really taken the urge to rant out of me, which is a big part of what this blog was created for. So, I really haven't been inspired.

Of course, then I followed a link to a Rolling Stone story from a Tweeter I follow and I got pretty upset again. Disgusted even. Man, humans can really suck. That is all I am going to say for now.

Please, be excellent to each other. We need more examples of personal excellence.